To Serve and Be Protected

One of the most startling feelings I developed towards J was that of protection. I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he would protect me. I was his to keep safe. For the exception of a few male friends that would gut the first person to hurt me, and a wonderful LTR boyfriend, I had not felt that secure since I was a child. Strange words to say about someone that fully enjoyed inflecting physical pain upon me.

It is difficult for me to articulate this to the other women in my life. They see a fiercely independent, career oriented, very successful, and extraordinarily dominant girl. I think what they miss is the girl that spends 95% of her time taking care of others, that craves to be taken care of herself. Yes, my definition of being taken care of differs from the norm, but the end result is the same. I want and need that feeling of safety. I was in his keep and he was obliged to protect me.

One of the first, in depth conversations Mr. S and I had was one regarding my hard limits and boundaries. After providing my list and still feeling unsure of myself, Mr. S said these words to me "I do not break my toys". Few words but with immense meaning. I was his toy, his property and he would not break his plaything nor allow anyone else to break what was under his care. Whether bound, gagged, whipped or beaten (perhaps all of the above) I am, and will be, protected while in his presence. No one else can match that.